Musician Tip #6: Anatomy of a Gig Poster

I've been getting questions about the poster for my upcoming full band show, and it occurred to me that this would make a good blog entry. So here it is. First, the poster:

Now I must give credit where it's due, and this particular design was inspired by Hank III's work with Third Alert Designs. His art is incredible, and I highly recommend you check it out here: Third Alert Designs

Obviously there are major differences in the aesthetic of mine and Hank's work, but that's the point of something being inspired and not ripped off. My cousin, Steve Erwin, an incredible artist, once told me, "All art is either inspired or stolen. The difference being that inspired art is just more ambiguous about where it was stolen from." Great quote, eh?

The things to notice about my poster (as well as many of Hank's):

1) At first glance, you have no freaking clue what this poster is for. Is it a show? Political rally? Anti-Digital Conversion Convention? Neighborhood homeowner's association fed up with the 1970's satellite dishes in that creepy porn-moustache guy's yard? Who knows... this is a good thing. My intent is to peak people's curiosity to actually READ the poster rather than just think, "Another stupid band posing in front of a brick wall trying to get me to go to their show? Pass."

2) There's not much to read. This keeps things simple and easily digestible. Also, the lack of information (What time do they go on? Is there a cover? Is this an all-ages show?) leaves the interested folks with the task of finding out on their own, which usually means contacting the venue, which makes the venue feel confident that there's some buzz about your show.

3) Lastly, it's bold. It will undoubtedly stand out when tacked to a bulletin board, or taped above the club's urinals which are already littered with posters of 40-something guys with skullets in front of a brick wall vying for the same attention. Sometimes bright color overload works for that, sometimes black & white accomplishes it. Contrast and unique imagery does more for you here than anything else.

Got other ideas on what makes a good band poster? Feel free to let me know.

Gig Etiquette Pt. 6: "You Know What You Oughta Do?"

The music industry is unique in many ways. Die of a drug overdose as an accountant or even an actor, and it's regarded as a sad, tragic, wasted life - but a musician? You're now a legend and you get your face on T-shirts at Hot Topic! In no other field can failing to produce any evidence of work for the last 14 years (looking at you, Axl) actually enhance excitement and interest about your endeavors. And in no other field does the mass public automatically assume they have full knowledge of exactly what a professional in that field should do; the subject of this blog entry.

As with other similarly themed blog posts I've done, I realize the good folks taking the time to direct me to the Wonka's golden ticket for riches and fame in the music biz only want me to succeed. However, fielding the same impotent advice night after night gets a little tiring. Normally I just smile, nod, and hope that suffices for a reply... in my mind I'm thinking:

"You should be on iTunes"
- I am, but I don't make a ton of money that way, so I sell downloads on my website too.

"You should go on American Idol!"
- (Click here and read this blog)

"You should get your songs on the radio!"
- (Click here and watch the movie on my home page) It takes a million dollars (approx.) and a label or major management to make that happen with any remote hope of success.

"You should make a viral video!"
- Viral is a term to define what happens AFTER the video is made, controlled entirely by the viewing public. That's like saying I should record a hit song, write a #1-selling book, roll nothing but 7's in Vegas, or campaign successfully for the office of President.

"You should get a manager!"
- Really? Personal manager? Tour manager? Do you know one? Any idea how hard that is? You're making it sound very easy.

"You should get an agent!"
- Booking agent? Publicity agent? Secret service agent? Know a good one, or an attorney who can draw up a contract with one?

"Oooh! Yeah, get an entertainment attorney too!"
- You gonna pay for one? I've dealt with a couple. It was kinda like throwing hundreds of dollars into a garbage disposal except it took hours of calling the garbage disposal and leaving messages for it to start grinding my cash into oblivion.

"Well you could pay for one if you played bigger, better paying shows. You should play Summerfest this year!"
- Gee, why didn't I just decide to play Summerfest, pay an attorney to write up contracts for a team of agents & managers, get my songs on the radio, put my CDs in Best Buy and make a viral video?

Let's think of this in another field.

If someone tells you they're thinking of becoming a lawyer, do you immediately respond with, "Ah - you should pass that BAR exam! And win all your cases!"?

How about if you discover the fella next to you on the plane is an aspiring writer? "You should get your book published! Why haven't you got your books in Barnes & Noble? You should get an editor."

An aspiring underwater welder? "You should master hyperbaric metallurgy and arc techniques!"

I really hope I'm not sounding cynical or vicious here, but I think one could understand how this all seems condescending and implies that I'm either so incompetent or grossly uninformed in my chosen field that I've missed the path to success that is so obvious to nearly every layperson I run into.

You know what you oughta do? Ask questions about what you don't know. You'll get a wealth of information from people who are passionate about what they do, and they'll get to talk about a subject they love. It helps everyone.

Music 101: Pt. 5 - Knowing the Rules of the Roles

As a professional musician who makes most of my income from live performances, I feel compelled to share some essential information about the roles of performers and venues. This could have qualified for a Musician Tip, but it applies to venue owners as well, and it's good info for the mass public, so here it is as the latest "Music 101" entry. If you know a club or venue owner, please pass this along.


Imagine this scenario: Johnny W. Rockstar (the W. stands for Wannabe) is a small-time, local musician. He gets hired by Bud's Beer Barn to play a solo acoustic show on Friday, then Dick's Dumpy Dive on Saturday. Both are live music venues that serve food & drinks. I know this is starting off like one of those screwy "two trains travelling opposite directions" algebra test questions, but hang with me.

#1: What is Johnny W. Rockstar's role?

Entertainment? Yeah, but as a by-product. His ultimate role: alcohol salesman. Johnny's job is to keep people's butts in the seats (or dancing) and buying more beverages. If he were playing stadiums, his role would change to ticket salesman. Without some cash changing hands, he's gonna be stuck playing "Smoke On The Water" in his parent's basement.

#2: Whose fault is it if nobody comes out to the shows?

Johnny's? Only if both venues NORMALLY have good crowds on those nights. If you've never been to Dick's Dumpy Dive (or already don't like it), the add-on of seeing an artist you've never heard of probably isn't going to inspire you to give it a chance come Friday. If those bars normally bring in 100 people on a weekend night, and only 15 show up when Johnny plays, yep - it's Johnny's fault. Otherwise, THE VENUES ARE RESPONSIBLE. Read on...

#3: Whose fault is it if Bud's is filled to capacity on Friday, but Dick's is empty on Saturday?

It's Dick's fault. Dick will whine that Johnny shouldn't have booked those dates so close together, or that he promoted the Bud's show more. But the truth is Johnny's crowd is choosing to attend at the venue they like most. Bud's probably has better drink specials, better food, cleaner bathrooms, nicer staff, etc.

Why do SO many venue owners think like Dick? Because they're ignorant. They look at gigantic artists and stadiums and think the same logic applies on the small scale. If U2 comes to Chicago to play Soldier Field on a Tuesday night, who is 100% responsible for the turnout? U2 is, of course - nobody would be at Soldier Field on a Tuesday otherwise, and you can't see U2 anywhere else.

But if U2 is coming to Chicago and will play 30 different venues over 30 nights, people will buy tickets based on the venue where they want to see them perform. The Soldier Field, Navy Pier, Allstate Arena, and Grant Park shows might sell out, but there will be tickets to spare on the night they play the parking lot next to the county landfill.

So, for 90% of music venues out there: The venue's role is to bring people out, the artist's role is to keep them there.

Musician Tip #5: What I Am Is What I Am...

...are you what you are, or what?

I am a musician. Like all other human beings, musicians come in all shapes and sizes, colors, personalities, tax brackets, and varying degrees of personal hygiene. The constants are a desire to create and possessing the tools of the trade.

If you're a vocalist, your tool is your voice, and you can take your pipes wherever you may roam. The huge upside - they're FREE! But for those of you who either aren't vocalists or lack the rousing, musical bodily functions my grandfather was blessed with, your tool is an external musical instrument. Elementary? Nay, my good sir.

I am astounded by how often I'm approached by well-intentioned attendees at my shows who stumble through a dialog similar to the following:

DUDE: "Great set man - are you looking for a guitarist?"

ME: "Well, I'm always interested to know other musicians. You play guitar?"

DUDE: "Yeah! I love guitar, man. I'm looking for a band to play with, and I think I'd be the perfect guitarist for your songs. I'm thinking about buying this awesome Les Paul at Staff Infection Music."

ME: "So what guitar are you playing now?"

DUDE: "I don't have one. I USED to have this killer Fender Stratocaster that was built by the Archangel Gabriel and given to Jimi Hendrix before he sold it to my dad, but I had to pawn it. It's been a bummer not playing at all for the past 5 years."

ME: (thinking: "You are not a musician. ...and you are a liar. Everybody knows St. Peter built Jimi's guitar.")

Ever have a mechanic shop ask you to bring some tools along so they can fix your car? How about a professional photographer that hasn't owned a camera in the past 3 years? Even beyond those things, music is an art form that sustains musicians - you survive off of it. A drummer I knew who moved into an apartment with thin walls taught himself to play guitar to avoid the constant threats of eviction over the noisy drum kit. Why? He was a musician and was going insane without the cathartic outlet music provided (he kinda went insane anyway, but that's unrelated).

The quality of the tool doesn't even necessarily affect the situation. Some songs that changed the course of popular music were written on department store trinkets. But without at least some sort of instrument to utilize, you are a hobbyist at best and as such shouldn't go around advertising yourself as the next Clapton in the making.

Writers write. Painters paint. Architects design. Actors vote democratic and sleep around a lot. These creations begin within us, but at some point require a physical tool to help communicate the vision to the rest of the world.

Choose your weapon.

Gig Etiquette Pt. 5 - Storytellers

If you know me to any degree, you're well aware that I can talk for hours upon hours about music, musicians, bands, albums, the music industry, instruments, recording techniques, music history, etc. If you start me up, I'll never stop (thanks, Mick).

However, time and place are important factors. I openly invite anyone and everyone to chat me up before or after a show, and I'm almost always happy to have a quick exchange with fans, friends, or both between songs in a set (if it's a QUICK exchange clocking in well under 5 minutes, not a recitation of Homer's The Iliad) and provided it doesn't happen between every other song I play.

Content is also important.

GOOD: You drove here from a state away? That's awesome! You rock, and I'm glad to meet ya.

BAD: The girl over there likes me? Thanks, but I'm very happily married. Yes, I am. Yes, I really am. I AM telling the truth. No, I'm not just saying that because your friend looks too nerdy. I didn't say she looked nerdy, you did - I was just repeating you. No, it wouldn't change things if she wasn't wearing those glasses. Please go sit down.

GOOD: You recognized the Over the Rhine song I threw in? Glad you enjoyed it, and you have exquisite taste in music, sir (or ma'am).

BAD: You saw the Rolling Stones on their last tour? Hmmm... so did 2 million other people. They tour all the time. I'm not sure why you needed to stop the show to tell me that. I haven't played a Stones song all night. Is this a request? I have a Yorkshire Terrier. Is that of interest to you?

Beyond that, frequency is the final element to be mindful of. I already mentioned the "Oh, he just ended another song... must be time to go talk to him again" issue, but try and keep track of who you've told your story to. You got drunk in Minneapolis and somehow bumped into Prince, got nervous and puked all over him, only to laugh hysterically when you saw it was purple? Awesome story... the first 12 times. Now it's just kinda annoying (and a biohazard now that I think about it).

So tell me what's on your mind. But keep it brief, on topic, and timed properly.

Where Ya Been?

"Hey Gregory, why so long since you've posted a new blog article?"

ANSWER:


New posts coming soon...