Musician Tip #6: Anatomy of a Gig Poster

I've been getting questions about the poster for my upcoming full band show, and it occurred to me that this would make a good blog entry. So here it is. First, the poster:

Now I must give credit where it's due, and this particular design was inspired by Hank III's work with Third Alert Designs. His art is incredible, and I highly recommend you check it out here: Third Alert Designs

Obviously there are major differences in the aesthetic of mine and Hank's work, but that's the point of something being inspired and not ripped off. My cousin, Steve Erwin, an incredible artist, once told me, "All art is either inspired or stolen. The difference being that inspired art is just more ambiguous about where it was stolen from." Great quote, eh?

The things to notice about my poster (as well as many of Hank's):

1) At first glance, you have no freaking clue what this poster is for. Is it a show? Political rally? Anti-Digital Conversion Convention? Neighborhood homeowner's association fed up with the 1970's satellite dishes in that creepy porn-moustache guy's yard? Who knows... this is a good thing. My intent is to peak people's curiosity to actually READ the poster rather than just think, "Another stupid band posing in front of a brick wall trying to get me to go to their show? Pass."

2) There's not much to read. This keeps things simple and easily digestible. Also, the lack of information (What time do they go on? Is there a cover? Is this an all-ages show?) leaves the interested folks with the task of finding out on their own, which usually means contacting the venue, which makes the venue feel confident that there's some buzz about your show.

3) Lastly, it's bold. It will undoubtedly stand out when tacked to a bulletin board, or taped above the club's urinals which are already littered with posters of 40-something guys with skullets in front of a brick wall vying for the same attention. Sometimes bright color overload works for that, sometimes black & white accomplishes it. Contrast and unique imagery does more for you here than anything else.

Got other ideas on what makes a good band poster? Feel free to let me know.

Musician Tip #5: What I Am Is What I Am...

...are you what you are, or what?

I am a musician. Like all other human beings, musicians come in all shapes and sizes, colors, personalities, tax brackets, and varying degrees of personal hygiene. The constants are a desire to create and possessing the tools of the trade.

If you're a vocalist, your tool is your voice, and you can take your pipes wherever you may roam. The huge upside - they're FREE! But for those of you who either aren't vocalists or lack the rousing, musical bodily functions my grandfather was blessed with, your tool is an external musical instrument. Elementary? Nay, my good sir.

I am astounded by how often I'm approached by well-intentioned attendees at my shows who stumble through a dialog similar to the following:

DUDE: "Great set man - are you looking for a guitarist?"

ME: "Well, I'm always interested to know other musicians. You play guitar?"

DUDE: "Yeah! I love guitar, man. I'm looking for a band to play with, and I think I'd be the perfect guitarist for your songs. I'm thinking about buying this awesome Les Paul at Staff Infection Music."

ME: "So what guitar are you playing now?"

DUDE: "I don't have one. I USED to have this killer Fender Stratocaster that was built by the Archangel Gabriel and given to Jimi Hendrix before he sold it to my dad, but I had to pawn it. It's been a bummer not playing at all for the past 5 years."

ME: (thinking: "You are not a musician. ...and you are a liar. Everybody knows St. Peter built Jimi's guitar.")

Ever have a mechanic shop ask you to bring some tools along so they can fix your car? How about a professional photographer that hasn't owned a camera in the past 3 years? Even beyond those things, music is an art form that sustains musicians - you survive off of it. A drummer I knew who moved into an apartment with thin walls taught himself to play guitar to avoid the constant threats of eviction over the noisy drum kit. Why? He was a musician and was going insane without the cathartic outlet music provided (he kinda went insane anyway, but that's unrelated).

The quality of the tool doesn't even necessarily affect the situation. Some songs that changed the course of popular music were written on department store trinkets. But without at least some sort of instrument to utilize, you are a hobbyist at best and as such shouldn't go around advertising yourself as the next Clapton in the making.

Writers write. Painters paint. Architects design. Actors vote democratic and sleep around a lot. These creations begin within us, but at some point require a physical tool to help communicate the vision to the rest of the world.

Choose your weapon.

Musician Tip #4: Community Gear

As a musician, you will very likely come into a situation where you're playing a show with gear, often owned by the venue or sound company, which is used by other musicians. Your treatment of this equipment is directly related to how much of an inbred ditch pig other musicians consider you to be.

If you were paying attention in Kindergarten, you understand that you should put things back in their place when you're done with them. You should also take care of other people's things as if they were your own. Though if you are a slobby-slob and, let's face it, as a musician... you probably are, you should treat other people's things as if said people have the ability to psychically flip your nipples inside-out at will.

So you broke a guitar string and had to do a lightning-fast restring on the spot? That happens. But the sin of leaving your left-over string clippings on the stage is cardinal. You would understand this if you've ever innocently reached down to pick up a cable on a dark stage only to have the needle-sharp end of a high E string stab an inch deep into the skin underneath your fingernail.

To the gents who feel the need to tighten the joints on an ADJUSTABLE microphone stand to somewhere in the neighborhood of 35,000 ft-lbs of torque: not a single person is impressed with your strength. It's not terribly difficult to lock those stands up. It is, however, difficult to not be considered a raging twit for ruining the very feature that made that stand an attractive purchase in the first place. Also, the carpal tunnel fairy will be visiting you soon.

On a somewhat related note, don't touch that button on the mixer marked "phantom power" unless you actually know what it does. There's a 99% chance you're singing/playing into a Shure SM-58 or SM-57, both of which are dynamic mics. Don't know the difference between a dynamic or condenser mic? Leave the phantom power button alone. You can even damage certain types of mics by engaging the phantom power. So unless you want the next act who takes the stage to realize what a total noob you are, no touchy.

So do everyone (including yourself) a favor and be kind to the equipment on stage. The next guy on stage after you just might be me...

Musician Tip #3: Volume

"This one goes to eleven..."

Yeah, but should it?

I do believe that good music should be played loud, and that it sounds better when it is loud. However, a guaranteed way to make fast friends or enemies out of the venue, host, or even the audience themselves, has to do with your volume setting and - more importantly - your willingness to adjust it.

I've been told the same tale by venue owners/workers and live show enthusiasts alike of artists or groups that played so loud the audience actually left or moved to the complete other side of the venue. This could easily turn into psychoanalysis... Why would anyone ever feel the need to be so loud that they actually chased off their own audience? This won't make your father love you or bring that pet goldfish you washed down the sink at age 4 (Captain Awesome) back to life.

Why would the volume that the crowd hears matter to someone on the stage, where you're likely using monitors of your own? My only guesses are that:

A) You think by being louder than Gilbert Godfrey giving a play-by-play at Pearl Harbor you'll destroy all other distractions and the audience will have no choice but to focus on you. Keep in mind they're bipeds and as such can transport themselves away from you to continue their discussion elsewhere on how little the world would change if the Kardashians never existed.

B) Delusions of Grandeur. "When I saw Mötley Crüe in '86, they made the speaker's ears bleed, dude!" Big, loud rock shows can be fun. Trying to squeeze one into a nightclub or a restaurant bar is like squeezing Oprah into Barbie doll outfits: It won't work, and it's honestly uncomfortable to even be in the same room with it.

C) You're old and your hearing is shot.

Yeah, you might think it saps some of the intensity out of the show. I've had to play my share of gigs where I was asked to turn down below nursing-home level... but I got paid for the gig and received a lot of compliments from those people with eggshell eardrums. That's what they wanted, that's what they paid for, so that's what they got.

There are exceptions. Years ago, I started a show at a venue that was empty when 2 old women strolled in for a drink. They sat right next to me (this place was HUGE - empty seats and booths everywhere), then called the manager over to complain about my volume level. The word moron does come to mind.

You wouldn't believe how laid-back and supportive a venue owner will be when you simply state up front that you'll gladly adjust your volume to whatever level he'd prefer. When I started doing this, the requests for me to lower my volume almost disappeared. Some guys just like to know they're running the show - so tell them up front and they'll have no reason to push the point with you later.

Musician Tip #2: Show Up

Again, this probably seems simple to the point of being asinine.

Believe me, it needs to be said. When I first decided to take on being a full-time musician, I made some calls to local club managers, event booking agents, etc. I was trying to promote myself, but before the calls ended I would ask, "What is it that makes an artist someone you love working with?".

I must have asked this to a dozen people, and all the answers I heard could be boiled down to these points:

1) They show up.
2) They don't get hammered drunk while on stage.
3) They don't take long breaks or take breaks every 20 minutes.
4) They either bring people in, or keep people here.

I was amazed. NOBODY said anything about the quality of music being made. And really? Just being there is Priority 1? Isn't that obvious? It seems not.

In the months to come I heard stories from all sorts of people who booked performers that never even showed up to a gig. Some didn't even show to people's weddings they were booked for. I was amazed... all you have to do is drive to this place, play guitar and sing, and people will pay you. And you DON'T GO??!!

Obviously, musicians have a bad rap for being flaky, irresponsible, artsy, bums (and I'm not even gonna get into jam bands)... and for good reason. In my estimation, roughly 90% of "musicians" are nothing more than hobbyists who are far too lazy to do any real work in any form, and a music career is no exception. Yes, I just said that.

So I was excited beyond belief at these list points above. That was EASY. I can show up, not get smashed to the point of vomiting on my microphone, keep the breaks to a minimum (or non-existent... but that's another article), and entertain a room full of people.

Without a doubt, I must say that only the Divine favor of God Himself could have brought me to the level of success I've achieved thus far... I'm certainly not that good on my own. However, diligent work pays off. Always.

If you're struggling as a musician, first ask yourself if you're adhering to these points. If not, there's good news - being a more successful musician is gonna be easier than you think.

Musician Tip #1: Merch First

Yeah, I know this doesn't seem like a very deep insight. But its simplicity is the very reason many musicians overlook its importance: Set up your merch before anything else.

The moments before a show can be anything from an energetic, anticipation-filled, adrenaline ride to a neurotic, sweating, pray-your-bowels-hold, nervous breakdown. And chances are, every performing musician will experience both more than a handful of times.


So it's easy to get lost in the panic or excitement compounded by the avalanche of other distractions (loading in through the kitchen, bad sound check, no sound check, bi-polar club manager, last-minute equipment failures, wardrobe malfunctions, etc.).

But this IS important. I can't remember how many times I've had people walk up and buy a CD of mine before a show... without even having heard me. Sometimes an intriguing CD cover or display is enough to win a few people over, and there are always some people who just like taking a gamble on a new artist (I LOVE these people).

If I was more concerned with grabbing a drink before my set, chatting up the other artists on the bill, going overboard tweaking amp settings and effects, or was doing anything other than taking the time to set up my CD display, that would've been one less sale (sometimes more), and potentially one less fan, which can ultimately turn into many more fans.

Priorities: Merch first. Then the show.