Music 101: Pt. 3 - There Is No Such Thing as Christian Music

"So is this Christian music?"

I was asked this question about my projects / albums long before I put humanity's most popularly accepted & recognized deity in the title of my latest album. But the question keeps coming, so I thought it was time to express my thoughts on the subject here:

I'm a Christian. I try my best to follow Christ's teachings, though I obviously fail constantly. I am also a rock musician. Personally, I don't think these things are mutually exclusive.

I play music at church, at my house, in bars, at parties, at concerts, etc. - and I truly feel it's what God has called me to do even though many of my songs have no direct lyrical reference to spiritual matters. But as for Christian Music, I disagree that it exists.

When people refer to 'Christian Music', it is better defined as 'The Christian Music Industry'. As the name implies, it's a business created by human beings for the purpose of commerce of art separated into a faith-based market niche. The motivations behind it are as numerous as the people involved, ranging from saintly to sadistic.

I have a large collection of albums released from Christian labels, and thoroughly LOVE many of them. I think supplying the world with uplifting music is a great thing to do with your life and career, so please don't take the following to be a criticism of individuals or the genre as a whole. Rather, I just want to express my concerns against blanket judgments of art & music based on this term.

There are songs that glorify and praise God, songs that directly blaspheme and mock God, and songs that do neither of the above. Songs are without will. People on the other hand...

Here are some hypothetical scenarios I used for thinking this through:

A) Marilyn Manson writes a song claiming he is Jesus Christ, which he recorded while hanging upside down on a black crucifix, drenched in pigs blood, in a Jewish cemetery. Later, Michael W. Smith (a popular Christian artist) does a cover of it. Is it Christian music now?

B) Good ol' Marilyn does a note-for-note, line-by-line cover rendition of "Amazing Grace" on his new album with the London Symphony Orchestra. It's so illustriously beautiful, it moves the pope to tears before he finds out who recorded it. Does this glorify or blaspheme God? Is it Christian music?

C) Michael W. Smith writes a song about his favorite flavor of ice cream and sings it in church. Christian music or just a song? Is God mad or just happy that Mikey enjoys Triple Butterscotch Ripple so much?

D) A well-intentioned Christian musician writes and records a song that becomes a major hit on Christian radio, though in reality the concept or lyric is the antithesis of something taught in Scripture. Is it anti-Christian music?

E) Ozzy Osbourne dedicates his life to Christ and begins a recording career with a Christian music label. Is "Bark at the Moon" now a Christian album?

F) Michael W. Smith denounces Christ, joins a Yak-molesting cult, and starts releasing albums which worship Tralfarganom, Creator of All Things Slightly Off-White. Is Mike's back catalog of songs no longer worshipful to God? Want to take bets on whether or not Family Christian Book Stores would yank his albums off the shelves?



Scenario D (which happens way too often, BTW) also brings to light another issue. If you want to preach to a congregation or start a church, it's standard practice that you attend a seminary, be mentored by another minister, or obtain an ordination of some kind. Yet anybody with a microphone and a claim to have heard the call can seemingly jump on stage and spout their own brand of cultish religion without much, if any, contradiction. Many people are so militant about only exposing themselves to "Christian music" that they overlook they fact that it sometimes directly contradicts their beliefs more than some of what they consider to be "secular" music.

Also interesting is the lack of denominational attention to detail. Personally, I am ALL FOR breaking down the barriers between denominations and unifying in our common goals and ideals as Christ-followers. But it truly baffled me when a Southern Baptist Christian youth group I knew of was in attendance at a concert, bobbing their heads to their favorite Christian band, which happened to be a Spirit-filled, tongue-talking (therefore hell-bound by their interpretation) band from Georgia. That detail is conveniently omitted from most group's songs and even public lives. Why? You lose album sales. Is that what would motivate Christ?

Would it bother you if Jars of Clay were Methodists? How about if you discovered Third Day or The Newsboys leaned more toward the homosexual-endorsing side of the Episcopalian Church than the Assemblies of God denomination? Would they still be "Christian" music to you?

Lest I need say more (you're gonna love this)...

Testamints. Go to a Christian Bookstore and you'll likely see these in the checkout line. Christian mints. They have Bible verses included and even sport little crosses on them. So does that make Certs secular mints? Which breath-freshener would Christ choose?

If you're not seeing how ridiculous this is, then where do you draw the line with "Jesus Junk"? If songs are either Christian or secular, what about instrumentals? Jingles? A tune you make up and hum in your car on the way to work? Are there Christian guitars? If a novel is Christian or secular, what about children's books? Anecdotes? Memos? Notes on the fridge? Can you have Christian or secular pens? Cars? Clothes? Hairspray? Or is it all just labeling and marketing?

People can make the decision to accept and follow Christ. Nothing else can. Judge what you like and accept on the merits of content and creativity, not a label.

Gig Etiquette Pt. 3 - Appreciation (ahem... Tipping)

Johnny Loungesinger just played your favorite song of all time and rocked it even harder than Billy Squier and Pat Boone put together with The News as their backup band. Wow.

So how do you show your appreciation? Clapping is good. Screaming his name and "WE LOVE YOU!!!" might get good or bad results depending on the performer, venue setting, or the sensitivity of the audience members around you. But tipping is arguably the highest form of praise for a local, live performer.

You might think this topic seems like something that needs no instruction, but you'd be wronger than a nonexistent tense of the word wrong.

1. No Requirement - This ain't the waitstaff. If you think the band blows, keep your dough. Don't feel bad about it. Still try to be polite though.

2. No Pantomimes - so you're low on cash and didn't expect your date to order the lobster-stuffed duck, only carry credit/debit cards, or maybe you don't want to part with your last $2 bill. These things happen.

Doing the overacted pat down of your pockets and conjuring up a "darn... sorry!" expression isn't necessary. In fact, it can be a little patronizing and insulting. Just say, "Thanks, I enjoyed the music/show/cat-juggling" (which is a rewarding compliment to get in its own way), and move along. Even better - tell the manager (and others) that you really dig the performer.

3. Delivery - if the show is still going, put it in the jar. No jar? Just place it on a flat surface near the performer. If you prefer to hand it directly to someone, just do so in between songs or after the show is over and everything's groovy, baby. NOTE: Trying to hand a dollar bill to a guy playing guitar and then acting like HE'S a jerk for not sprouting a 3rd arm to take it is a stupidity crime worthy of brain reassignment.

4. Advertisements - Yeah, you can drop a business card in with your tip. Can't speak for everyone, but I'll check it out. But don't just drop in a fold-out ad of the multi-level marketing scam that isn't a multi-level marketing scam (really!) you're recruiting for.

5. Amount - Locales and cultures often have their own norms for tipping, so use your best judgment. If this is the best show you've seen in months, or you really want to help and support this performer's career, compensate accordingly. If you're an annoyingly drunk close-talker, go metric with this number (double it & add 30).

Influential Albums: The Beatles - Abbey Road

Of course.

This album is a classic for a very, very good reason: It's one of the best collections of songs ever recorded.

Though there may be certain songs on other albums by The Beatles that have a more sentimental place than some tracks on this record, Abbey Road is possibly my favorite album by the Fab Four for a few reasons, but particularly for its versatility.

I always keep this album in mind when I start thinking my songs are too sporadic and unconnected. Those qualities are what make this album so endearing; so engaging through every single track. I usually hate "desert island" hypotheticals, but I think this just might be my desert island album of all time for that very reason.

Abbey Road has it all: Cool, vibing songs. Fun, upbeat, silly songs. Love songs that define the genre. Trippy, psychadelia-influence. Ballads that lull you into waking dreams. Grand, illustrious, orchestral masterpieces. Intense, brazen rock. All performed by some musicians at the peak of their abilities and creativity, overflowing with emotion throughout. The tensions that were coming to a head with the group at this time catapulted this, their final album, all the way to the bleedin' moon and back.

The recording quality is also the tip-top of what George Martin and the lads achieved. George's guitar tone on "Something" is outstandingly warm. Ringo's tea-towel muffled drums are like being punched with a 10-story tall balloon. Paul's bass is just Paul's bass... it always sounds that freakin' good, nothing new.

George really swung for the fences with "Something" and "Here Comes The Sun" and (in my mind) proved himself capable of being every bit as much a songwriting powerhouse as Lennon/McCartney. Sadly, I don't think he maintained that edge without said tensions driving him to compete on that level.

There's undoubtedly never been a better swan song for a group. Up to the blistering rock solos that Paul, George, and John play that build the calamity up to let you softly down on the scripture-esque "The End". I cried the first time I heard the whole thing front to back.

If I put out songs the caliber of "Come Together", "Something", "Here Comes the Sun", "Because", and the closing half of this record all on one album... well I might just have to call it a day too. How could they top Abbey Road? Simple. They didn't. (sigh)

Don't own it yet? Buy it here:

Music 101: Pt. 2 - Avoid Blind Allegiance.

So you loved the first album - it changed your life. The second album was pretty good. But now that this artist/band is 10 disks deep in their catalog, your once favorite performer of all time seems to be taking a tire iron to that once mighty, though now thoroughly deceased, artistic steed.

It's O.K.

You can call it like it is. It's all right to not like every single stinkin' thing an artist or group releases. You no longer have to pretend that each new Radiohead album is even half as good as The Bends or O.K. Computer. Fret not - admitting that the new Pearl Jam album is a festering pile of phoned-in, mediocre, pretentious upchuck doesn't make Ten any less of a monumental achievement of musical greatness. Van Halen was outstanding. Van Halen III is one of the worst things you could ever put in your ears.

It's O.K.

In a related manner, it's no disrespect to the greats that their kids didn't get the goods passed down. Yes, John Lennon was brilliant. It's not blasphemy to admit that Yoko and Sean consistently put out audible dingo feces (though Julian certainly had a few fine moments). Sting - also brilliant, but stating the obvious that his son's band, Fiction Plane, is suited more for torturing enemies of the state than for entertaining the crowd before a concert by The Police... well that's just good old common sense. You can still love "Every Breath You Take".

It's O.K.

Like what you like. Admit what you like. Admit what you don't. Be a fan of good music, not a mindless cult member who nods in lobotomized agreement with whatever an artist does.